I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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