I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
