he puts the penis in happiness.
you traded sex for a burrito?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
