I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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