i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
