you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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