recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
