well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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