Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
