Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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