You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
