Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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