so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
