Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
