I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
