Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
