wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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