dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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