My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
