Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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