Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
