I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
