JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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