yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
