You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
