I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
