I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
