Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
