Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
