i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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