ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
