Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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