the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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