I cannot find my penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i think im in europe. pls send help
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
