oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
high people should be assigned attendants
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
