I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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