Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
