dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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