This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I touched a dick in church today
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