my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
