Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
