I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Be still, my beating vagina.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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