dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
