His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
