I could make wine with my vomit
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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