Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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