I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
