idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I met the friendliest cop last night
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
