i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
