i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
