For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
