If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
